Top 10's

Hmm so a friend of mine posted a Top 10 list of songs for 2010 on his Facebook page and it got me thinking that I'd like to post a few Top 10 of 2010 posts before ringing in the New Year. Here are the categories I'm thinking:

Top 10 Memories

Top 10 Songs

Top 10 Movie/TV Show Quotes

Top 10 Places (specific vs broad)

What else, what else....not sure what I'll start with but perhaps tomorrow morning will be the first.

Quelle Surprise

Yeah...so much for my posting about Hawaii shortly after my one picture. Alas, it will come....probably on a bitter cold day when I need to take some time to think back to the warmth and wonder of Hawaii.

So, for now, a holiday post of sorts. I had a few moments of slight sadness/nostalgia coming into the holiday season thinking about Church St. and the lights and music pipping through the street, lights outlining each tree, kids playing in the snow, Leunigs with it's warm glow and cozy bar. It's been almost 6 months exactly since I called it home there. But the memories are so fond I look back on them and enjoy that slight pain of sadness, it means I did it right.

Holidays. Family. Too much food. It's always nice to be back with my family. There are always surprises, some bigger than others. We found this old book that my mom used to write in that had sections for various notes about each holiday. There were only a few years, starting with my first Christmas and about 6 or 7 years. It was really neat to read...it said what we did the night before, what we ate, watched, read, who came over, what was happening in the world, what was happening in our city, what we all got, what christmas day was like and other notes. There were some funny quips about me, just further solidifying the fact that I was clearly a kid with a lot going on, including a lot of energy and pizzazz. There were notes that reminded us all how thankful we were to have each other.

Now we are approaching a new year. Can you believe it? How is is almost 2011? I was just emailing a friend that I made exactly a year ago early December and couldn't believe it had already been 365 days since being in Colorado for work and staying in this crazy huge house, watching a Toyota truck get tipped after a crazy party, having some amazing runs on the hill and making memories with a new friend. A year. Another year. So much has transpired in 2010. I will need to devote some time to thinking about it, really digesting the past year. Maybe I'll do a post about 2010 memories, learnings, experiences. Those things that I will take w/me moving into 2011 and beyond.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and remembered to love the ones you're with. It's all about love and family and friends. We mustn't forget that. To all my VT family, miss and love you always. Have a French 75 at Leunigs for me after a nice stroll up Church on a snowy evening.

Teaser

Hawaii blog post coming soon...

Reverse Order

Ok so, I really should blog about Hawaii to keep chronology correct on here, but for some reason I am not feeling like I can properly get words out to describe my vacation to paradise. Who knows, maybe by the end of this post I will be ready. In any case, I have been wanting to blog and putting it off, not feeling the right words, not finding the time. Admittedly I tended to blog at work when I lived in VT and my job now doesn't afford much time to do that (not to mention my computer screen faces the general room so probably not a good idea anyways). Also, I've been neglecting calling Penelope back after a quick game of phone tag, but have been thinking about her a lot which maybe is inspiring me to blog seeing as she was the initial inspiration behind even starting this thing.

So, let's see. I guess today finally fit for blogging because I had a day that wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary, but just seemed really great...like things all fit together quite nicely. I was stressing a bit about a proposal but we pitched it and it went really well. During the pitch itself, I felt so comfortable, so confident, the words just came, the flow was spot on, it just worked. Then I got some necessary errands done, chilled out for a bit and then packing seemed to go so well today...like I feel I packed pretty perfectly for the Thanksgiving break. You have to understand, as someone who travels ALL the time, I constantly strive for the "perfect" pack...essentially arriving somewhere and not thinking, "why the heck did I bring this shirt?" or "great, I packed about 1/2 of what I actually need". Nope, I'm feeling good about this one...so, here's hoping I'm right!

The energy is good right now. Not just today, but the past few days. Heck, maybe since the first day of my vacation. Despite a raging kidney infection the past week which should have gotten me down, the energy has been good...that kind that you feel and know it's glowing, not brooding or weighing down, but glowing.

This past Saturday was one of those perfect days...a day that I woke up Sunday smiling from. I planned a brunch for my small group of friends here, planned a grand fall menu, cleaned my place, got smelly candles out, had coffee brewing. The food was amazing (pumpkin pancakes, you did me right) and we ended up hanging out in my kitchen, eating, drinking various cocktails and playing Catch Phrase for literally 5 hours. We eventually moved to the living room to play another game and continue the slow day drinking, and finally moved to my local pub for cards and beers. The energy of the group was so perfect, the fact they all got into the games, the way the food went down, it just couldn't have been a better day. It was the first time I'd held a gathering at my place and I think it made me feel really "here", like I'm not floating around still nailing down my life here, I think it's really happening now. It's a pretty cool feeling.

Return to my childhood home

I'd be lying if I said I could focus on normal life right now. I'm so completely distracted by the recent development of travel. I will be flying from NYC to Honolulu, HI on Tuesday to visit a friend who's living there for the next 2 months to do live editing of the Vans Triple Crown of Surfing. It kind of came up last second and I was able to snag a ticket w/very few frequent flier miles (I mean, I have 200K of them) and have a house to stay at w/my friend and a few others there to work on the video production of the event. Not to mention I have all these vacation days that will be lost come January and I've been trying to take a vacay since September. So, stars aligned and in less then 3 days I'll be en route to paradise. So yeah...I'm having a little bit of difficulty focusing.

Beyond getting to see my friend Drew, a friend formed from another perfect aligning of stars last winter, I will be returning to my homeland! Yes, a little known fact is that I spent a few of my childhood years on the island of Oahu. My dad was stationed at Hickam Air Force Base for a few years...my dear ages of 3-7 years old. I have only 2 memories, literally, before Hawaii so essentially my life as I remember it started there...I'm a lucky girl, there is no doubt.

I think back to those years in Hawaii and they were some of the best. I'm definitely planning a trip by our old house, my elementary school, the place w/the amazing, huge, warm chocolate chip cookies, the Keyhole, Turtle Bay and more. It'll be like a reunion w/some of my favorite age years. I wonder what it'll feel like to see it again for the first time since I was 7...

A constant wind

So, I'm being a little scandalous by blogging at work...but hey, it's Friday and I've been slacking on this but really really wanting to keep it up so sometimes you have to break some rules right?! I have literally wanted to blog every day this week and then got caught up in work, followed by things to do post-work or just not wanting to get back on a computer. But alas, I really need to be more diligent...I swore that I would utilize this as a way to share stories to my family back in VT and here I am, slacking.

I honestly can't believe it's already the end of October. I feel like the past few months have been a constant wind, as in, things have been forever moving forward, quickly whisking by, never slowing down. It feels like yesterday I was sitting on Soe's front porch drinking wine and eating cheese back in Burlington (that got me a little teary eyed to type!). But here I am, in Chicago, the windy city. Although I haven't really been here that much. It's crazy how much I'm traveling, more than I did in VT which is funny b/c I thought I'd travel less. But despite how exhausting it is, and how much of my "Me" time I've sacrificed over the past few months, I've gone to some amazing places and formed incredible memories, great friendships and learned a lot. I look through my photos of the past few months and there are pictures from sports games all over the country, Times Square at 3am, kissing one of the Budweiser Clydesdales, dancing w/a New Orleans Jazz legend, watching the lights of Vegas turn on, and more. I think about my life since I graduated college and how incredible it has been and what amazing stories I'll be able to tell my kids one day. I have spent my 20's traveling the US, experiencing so many incredible things, and on someone else's dime! I am a lucky girl.

So, along w/the excitement of travel and adventures comes the other side of me. As much of a "people person" as I am, I'm truly an introvert...I recharge in solitude. And solitude is not something I've had much of the past few months. I keep dreaming of a Sunday on my couch, sipping a latte, reading the paper, burning one of my favorite Yankee fall candles, listening to soft jazz. Spending an afternoon working on the art project I've been planning in my head for 3 years. Taking a walk and petting dogs, stopping for a glass of wine and reading a book. All these things I used to do so often that have been pushed aside. And sure, I do some of it myself because I told myself to not turn down any invitations as that will be the only way I meet people and make friends. I am just hoping for a reprieve of sorts, a few weekends to relax and catch up on me.

And to close out for today, I will list three things I love about this city to share w/my VT followers to let you in on my life here:
1) The sounds of the city. Trees rustling from the wind, dogs barking, the El whooshing by, children laughing, the occassional horn. I know it seems weird to like those, but it just reminds me how much life there is in the city.
2) The river. We were walking to lunch the other day and crossed the river into the Loop and I looked down the river at the glimmering water and towering skyscrapers reflected in it and had to pause...it is truly so beautiful.
3) The architecture. I love riding the El and seeing old brick buildings with the original name painted on the side, slowly fading, or the sleek glass cake-tier Trump building, or the rusty metal on the beams of the El tracks, or the old factories turned into lofts with balconies covered in plants and BBQ's and places people sit and enjoy their downtime.

Weird

It's weird to live in my head right now. To feel the conflicting thoughts and emotions. I feel so at home, so comfortable, so at peace in this city. Chicago fits, it feels like the right place for me. An amazing spot that I feel lucky to be experiencing. A place I know I was meant to get to. For instance, today, I was on a boat on the lake soaking up the sun while looking at this incredible, stunning skyline view. Sure, that's a pretty sweet deal, but again, I feel like it fits. And what feels weird is that I also miss the people I left in VT so incredibly much. I truly hurt thinking about them. It's not to say I am not making friends here, I am it is just slow and it's different knowing the people I left in VT. Some days I walk through the city experiencing something unique and I think about a specific person or group and how much I wish they were beside me, experiencing it. That's what is weird, learning how to feel these conflicting emotions of being so happy in a place, knowing it fits and being excited about meeting new people but simultaneously standing at a specific spot or place thinking about a friend or friends that would appreciate that spot so much, make that spot even better. I have to continue to figure out how to make them live side by side.

It's funny, leaving a place, how hard it gets to connect with the people that I know will forever be my family. These people that are the only piece of me being in this amazing place seem "off", I talk to so very rarely now. But I feel them every day, which makes it...weird. I feel them all the time...a smell reminds of this person, a song reminds of that person. But would it be the right place in my life to be here with those people who made my life so complete? I think that's part of the greater plan...they can't be here bc it'd be too easy and I'd miss things. But to know they are with me everyday, it is a double edged sword of awesome and sad...to be so incredibly psyched here, yet feel the pull of people I wish were with me.

Chicago...is my kinda town

Imagine that, I haven't blogged in ages. I'm really being bad about this lately!! Ok...I'm going to make a serious effort to blog at least once a week now. Soe has inspired me again to blog and I realize that it could be a fun way to talk about my life in the new city for my family afar in VT to read about between actual catching up sessions.

SO. Chicago. Three weeks ago I landed in the Windy City, or drove in I should say. I have been traveling a good bit for work so sometimes it almost feels like a long work trip here since I'm so used to being in random places. But I actually feel really at home here, the city fits. I was totally scared that it wouldn't, that I'd get here and what I had built up in my mind just wouldn't be quite right. But the city agrees with me. It's fun, it's vibrant, it's friendly, it's engaging. I don't feel overwhelmed by it.

I'm still getting into the swing of things with life and making myself meet new people and be open to new friends. It's weird to not have a safe group of people to call any night to get dinner with or have a glass of wine, or have people who know you really well who you don't have to try with. But it's also exciting stretching that muscle again too...I just have to continue to push myself to do it and learn about new people and see what fits.

Work is bananas...it's currently after 7pm Central time and I'm still at work. Pretty standard. It's going to be pretty much madness from now until the middle of September. But the flip side is, I'm loving the work and the challenge, I'm learning a ton, I love the people I work with and I have a great team and it feels good. I can see myself growing already and it's exciting.

I miss you all in VT...I am pretty sure you are the only ones that may read this w/the exception of Andrew and my mom. VT is in my heart every day, and certain things of the city remind me of it too which is good.

Ok. The next posts will be more fun...things going on in the city, but I felt an intro post was needed for the Chicago chapter of my life.

I'm off like a hat in a hurricane.

How do we know.

I often wonder if everyone experiences as much confusion and decision making and wondering as I do. Sometimes I am not sure I'll be able to dig out of the thoughts in my head and figure out what to do...like I'm being sucked into a whirlpool, spinning around and around, grabbing for the edge but it keeps slipping out of my hands. Or do I really know how to get out and am just letting the spin overtake me, overwhelm me, confuse me?

Life is a series of decisions, choices, actions. What to wear today, what to eat, who to call, where to go at night, when to take time off, where to go for vacation, what to get so and so for their birthday. Then there are the big ones. Where do I want to be in 5 years? Am I doing what I should be doing? Am I inspired? Am I happy? What do I want out of today, tomorrow, next week? Should I move? Should I stay? Should I say yes? Should I say no?

Should we choose with our heart or our head? Or just take the plunge...cover your eyes, pinch your nose and leap?

I don't think there are right or wrong choices, they are just choices. Even if something ends up not working out, it doesn't mean it was wrong. It just wasn't right persay. But then again, it's all experiences, learning more about yourself, your likes, dislikes, wants, needs. So can it ever really be a wrong choice?

Anyone can start today and make a new tomorrow

I love reading recent posts and realizing how quickly things change...how we adapt, morph, grow, right before our very own eyes sometimes. I'm not sure if it's truly the book, but I have really been thinking so much lately about Frankl's belief in choice. You know, it really does work sometimes. Get all the facts, have all the info you can and then decide...decide how YOU want to react. We have that freedom, at all times, to choose how to react to any and everything around us. Yes, sometimes it feels hard or wrong or confusing, but it's a voluntary opportunity...we truly do control our destiny. Would I rather be upset about something that I truly can't control or choose to find what's good about it, what positivity can come from it, what it can morph into and appreciate it for that? I'm going with option B. I've been doing that a lot lately and it's pretty damn refreshing.

We truly can start today and make a new tomorrow. I love that quote. Decide for ourselves how we want to feel tomorrow. Nothing and no one can truly make you feel anything you don't want to. Taking onus of things is the start, looking at all the facts, asking yourself the right questions, and then deciding. What do I want tomorrow to feel like and how can I start making that happen today?

White Noise

A wise friend recently told me about this theory of White Noise. White Noise is a constant throughout the universe and is leftover energy from long ago. He said that in my mind (or people like me), that "white noise" is that thing that I am trying to not deal with when I stand still, that I keep quiet by having a crazy schedule and life, and that says something about me.

Buddhists and Zen teach mindfulness...to recognize your thoughts and how you interact with them, and they with you, no matter how large or small. Mindfulness can be a way to deal with the white noise.

Having a friend studying Cognitive Science is pretty solid for the things that filter through my mind on a daily.

Strength

I recently read this great book, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl and he uses Nietzsche's famous quote, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" multiple times. It's funny how much that book, that quote, the things I got from it and where that book now lies plays into my present day thoughts and issues. Strength. Sometimes I don't know if I have what it takes to overcome certain things, to find an answer, to figure out how to respond and keep breathing the same as I did the day before.

We get to make choices. Everyone does. Sometimes our choices don't match that of someone's else, and that can lead to pain. The greatest strength, I think, comes from overcoming the pain of a decision you did not get to make. We like to be active players in the world, in our lives. When a choice is made with an answer we don't like and we have no say in the matter, it is a feeling like no other. Helplessness, sadness, weakness, confusion, frustration. It can feel lonely, being separated from a choice.

And then I think about that word - choice. And I think about Frankl's theories. We have the ability to choose how we react to a situation. We should stop trying to figure out why something happened and instead decide how we are going to react.

I think I know how I'm going to react. I'm not sure how sold I am on it currently but I weigh the options and the other choice would leave a bigger hole, a wider chasm, a greater tear. This is when I call on strength...strength to make the decision that I know, deep down, is the only option.

This one's for you AP

I am not sure what it is, but sometimes I wonder if anyone really listens to things I say. I don't think it's an insecurity, but I just wonder...do people really truly listen to things I have to say? I got a small bit of reassurance when a friend recently told me he actually reads my blog...I have a follower! How funny that knowing that made me feel a little more important, at least in that moment. Thanks AP.

.......

There are so many outside distractions in life. Be it a pack of fire trucks by a house as you drive by trying to concentrate on the road but unable to not gawk, at least a little, or the pot of water boiling over as you try to pay attention to someone on the phone, or lyrics in a song as you try to type a presentation up. We are so inundated with stimulus, it can be hard to focus...really focus. I have been trying to make a point of, especially when on the phone with someone, not multi-tasking. How unfair to think that while you are talking to someone, they are doing a million other things, catching only every 5th word. And how nice to sit down and just talk...not flip through a magazine, not check emails, not clean, just listen and respond. I have been doing that lately, just sitting and talking, and it's really pretty cool to catch all the little details, not just the big picture. Funny how, even in conversation, it's often the little things that truly make the conversation come together. Just like in life..it's the little things.

Stimulus is great, exciting, keeps us guessing and on our toes. It reminds us of things, makes us forget things. But I think the key is to balance it with being in the moment. Be present.

Yes.

Be Present. It's amazing.

Explanation Impossible

I recently stumbled upon a quote in a book that truly summed up things of late: "For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

I couldn't have said it better myself. There is truly no way to explain all elements and levels of the past few weeks, the interactions, the bonds. And even attempting to explain it would bastardize and cheat it.

My real life is spent in unexplainable moments. My fake life is what I do each day to get to my real life, to make my real life possible.

That's all.

Holy time fly

I haven't even looked to see when the last time I posted was because I think it will shock me and then I'll be overwhelmed with catching up. I'm tired of having to get caught up. Today. That's it. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today.

Today I'm psyched, pumped, a little stressed, a little overwhelmed, a little anticipatory. Ok I said no yesterday but I'm going to speak of yesterday in a reflexive way (not sure that's the best way to put it).

The symbolic "yesterday" here is going to mean a compilation of a few days. I have been truly enjoying my work lately, even though it's been some of the craziest, busiest, most stressful weeks. But you know when you feel so overwhelmed you don't even know where to start, but you are inspired so it almost feels fun? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I enjoy people. I enjoy meeting them, interacting with them, learning about them. Especially when they bring something to the table. I had the privilege of meeting some truly amazing and interesting people in my last work adventure, people that made me feel truly lucky to do what I do. Of this group of people I met there were 3 in particular that really moved me. Although I am a fairly social person, I also have a tendency to need space after a significant amount of time with people, but these three people I couldn't get enough of. The connection shared was one that comes along so rarely you can't help but want to scoop it up in a jar and seal it off to keep it from getting tarnished. Believe me, I've been trying to do just that. The sad side is that we are split across the country. The good part is that we are all reuniting this weekend on this next work trip. I'm so overwhelmed and stressed and discombobulated right now but the thought of seeing them makes my heart smile. How lucky am I?

An interesting conversation was had in talking about how people's lives are all a series of different paths, and people come together and their lives are parallel for a period of time. Sometimes I think I'm so lucky to be given the opportunity to run parallel with so many different people because of my travel and such, but then I think...we were meant to run parallel, I just happen to have this job because it was the vehicle to do just that.

Who knows what is to come...perhaps the meaning of life.

Smile

I have always been a big supporter of smiling and smiling often. Sometimes, though, reality gets in the way and we let difficulty or sadness or misfortune get in the way of smiling as often as we should. It's amazing how finding just one small thing even on the toughest of days to smile about can have a massive effect on your soul. I been making a big point of smiling more and finding the happiness in as much as I can. I am trying not to dwell on little things, trying not to let things get me down, trying to see the beauty in things I would walk past before, making of point of giving OTHER people a reason to smile every day. If I can do one thing for a stranger or other person every day to make them smile, I will have accomplished a new goal. Be it helping a neighbor dig out their car, helping someone with a lot in their hands, telling someone they look nice. I have caught myself doing this unconsciously lately and the ability to make someone else smile has been having a profound effect on me. I don't know if it's the new year or the cumulative effect of a very intense past year but I have felt more positive and happy lately then in a while. I have made myself stop complaining about the cold as much and embracing it. I am saying hello to strangers more and telling my friends I love them more. I am seeing the good in many more things. I am appreciating what I have and relishing the good things in my life. I am enjoying solidarity at times and internal peace. I am pushing out the negative and finding the positive. I am smiling.

I'm not sure what it is...being home for a while, being on a new work account, having a new year to reflect on the past year and realize all that it has meant to me, looking around me at all the beauty I'm surrounded in. Whatever it is, I like it and plan on keeping it going.

Find a reason to smile every day.

Out with the old, in with the new

It is 2010, hard to believe. I don't even know where this past year went but it surely went quickly. Looking back and reflecting on 2009, my mind spins. It was an overflowing year. A year filled with challenges and victories, tragedies and comedies, sickness and health, love and loss. It was a year many things were put into perspective, many lessons learned, many emotions felt. It is also a year where I spent more of it traveling than not which was a whole secondary world and life.

Some highlights of 2009:
- My mother surviving and progressing every day
- Healthy beautiful babies of the Smith's and Kouri's
- Engagements and weddings of some dear friends
- My oldest sister, Alli, getting hitched and celebrating in Mexico
- Surprising my sis, Colleen, for her birthday
- Completing my first half marathon
- My promotion
- Madz my crazy cat I saved
- Getting to visit some amazing parts of the US and see old friends
- Winning a big award for a work account
- Falling back in love with snowboarding
- Mittens and chairlifts
- Seattle
- Making some great new friends
- Amazing ladies in my life

Now it is a new year, a new beginning, a refresh. Sometimes I think it's funny how we look at the turning of a new year as a fresh start...like we are only compelled to institute change on January 1st instead of immediately upon seeing a need for change. I guess sometimes we just need an impetus. Anywho.

Looking ahead at 2010 I have some goals in mind, some things I want to accomplish, things I want to work on, people I want to see. I am not sure if I'm going to make any actual resolutions...I think are a little overrated and I want to set goals all year, not just one day for the whole year. One thing that I do "resolve" to do though is making sure that I tell people how much they mean to me often. If 2009 taught me anything it's to say what you mean and mean what you say, and be sure people know you care about them, and not be afraid to tell new people your feelings towards them. You just never know.

To all my friends and family reading this, I love you all. Happy New Year! May 2010 be full of luck, laughter, love and life.