Monday, March 30, 2009

Blog Lovin'

Follow my blog with bloglovin´
This might inspire me to get more creative on my blog...Step 1) Join BlogLovin'. Step 2) Add me to your "follow list". Step 3) Enjoy the life of blog-reading-addiction :-)

Cheers!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Blog-a-palooza

Ok. Now, I must admit, I wish I could come up with a creative and unique enough blog to get a plethora of loyal followers (more than just you Soe...but of course I love and am honored that you read this one!). I myself, am a blog-lover. I get to work in the morning and as my email is booting up, I check in on my favorite blogs. It's like a Blog-A-Palooza every morning for me. I have a slew of favorites, the majority of them being fashion blogs. And most recently, one of my blogs introduced me to the magic of Bloglovin' ...a brilliant little thing for people like me who not only frequent many a blog, but are also major organizers and love streamlining things. Check it out. 

Here are my morning regulars:

On a weekly basis I also check-in on my dear friend Isaac, see what craziness he has been up to.

I just recently discovered the last two (Garance and NAST) and they are awesome. I love perusing these fashion blogs...getting inspired yet also feeling like I need to take a little more time and put a little more thought into my outfits each day. If only I could get up when my first alarm goes off...I'd have the time to actually think about my outfits a little bit more. I try to at least look well put together, but the images on these fashion blogs show true creativity and innovation in fashion, things I admire and strive toward. I think Soe should be pictured on some of these blogs as she is a first hand inspiration to creativity in fashion, although I'm not sure she knows that! 

Viva la Blog-a-Palooza!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Remembering

My grandmother passed away this last weekend.We found out Friday that she was being moved to Hospice on Saturday so my sisters and I decided to go down, say our goodbyes and be with there to support my dad and grandpa. She ended up passing away early Saturday morning before we arrived, and before she was transported. In many ways this was best. I was so glad we had decided to go down...being there for my dad was huge, and I know meant the world to him and my grandfather. It was so hard though. I remember how hard it was when my mom's mother died, seeing my mom broken down. There's something, however, about a father and grandfather breaking down that hits a different nerve. My dad. The figure of strength. Seeing him cry broke my heart. Seeing my grandfather also crushed me. 

A loved one passing brings up so many thoughts. Thoughts about things I would have liked her to experience in my life, things I wish I had said or said more often. I have to stop and remind myself to not dwell on the unsaids and undones, but to remember the good things, the fun times, the things we DID say and do. My grandma got to experience so many great things in my life and we had so many great times together, that is what is important. 

Some great things about my grandma, great times we shared:
- Staying with them while my parents moved...playing with their laundry chute and sweet basement bar
- Her jokes, humor and sass
- Her honesty and openness
- A modern woman, despite growing up in a time of female oppression
- The way purple looked on her
- The great legs that she passed down to me...and her genetics in general 
- The way she loved me, everything about me
- Her teaching us how to play cards

There are so many others, little things that remind me of here her and there. I will take those with me, not the thoughts of coulda, shoulda, woulda. I think I may, one day, utilize her maiden name as a middle name for one of my children.

All my love, rest in peace Grammie Doris.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Movies

So, I saw 2 movies yesterday...yes, 2 in one day. One in the AM when I was feeling especially lazy, one at night w/Miss Beers when we felt like we needed to get out of our houses.

Movie #1: Vicky Cristina Barcelona. My score - 4.5 stars. I loved it. A bunch of people had told me about it and how much they liked it but I have no idea what the basis of the plot was so I went into it only knowing people had liked it.

Movie #2: He's Just Not That Into You. My score - 2.5. It was a fine Sunday evening, mindless flick and was of value for that but I found some of it to be so outrageous...and maybe part of it was coming off of watching a really good movie.

Movie #1 was one of those films that was not just well done, well cast, well scripted, well executed and with a good plot. It also left me with some personal reflections. I won't ruin the movie in case you haven't seen it but one of the things that stuck out so much was the passion from the main male character. Passion in all senses. And a "no holds barred" attitude toward life. He loved openly and outwardly, unafraid and uninhibited. He gave to his art, he was interested in the world, he was just plain passionate. It was inspiring really. Especially when contrasted with Movie #2. Movie #2 made it seem like all single people are miserable and would choose to be otherwise if they could, which I find rather ridiculous. And the desperation of some of the female characters was, quite honestly, annoying. Again, contrasting it with Movie #1 where the characters loved so openly and without reservation and then Movie #2 was your typical American love...game playing, rules, proper "steps" taken.

Why is it that we have been trained to be so systematic about love and relationships? Why can't we just throw our passion out there...not recklessly, not pointlessly, but when we feel something, express it openly and fully? I guess we can, I can, but it's the reactions that will be interesting as we are all so pre-programmed.

Go rent Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Ladies, enjoy the leading man. Men, enjoy Penelope Cruz. Not a bad looking cast.

A Funk

I don't know if it's the weird in-between-seasons weather or the fact I am not in a class so actually have some free time or if it's something else but I feel like I'm in a funk...no, I know I am. Things don't feel as smooth currently. My insomnia is back in full force which totally sucks. I have taken Ambien 3 nights in a row and even that barely worked. Arg. I wish I could convey how frustrating real insomnia is. Some people can't fall asleep sometimes or can't go to bed early but it's nothing like having lived with off and on insomnia for the better part of 10 years. I have tried everything...routine, yoga, meditation, natural sleep aids, Tylenol PM. Nothing works and a prescription from a Doctor is the only partial help I have found yet. Last night I fell asleep on the couch so I woke up and moved to the bed, but I could already tell an Ambien was in order. I think that's the worst part about it is when I KNOW it's going to be a full-on insomniac night...that thought alone stresses me out which surely doesn't help bring on sleep.

It also doesn't help that I've had a lot on my mind the past few days. Encounters, check lists, events, confusion. It bogs me down. I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I can't plan. I can't organize. It's making me a little batty. Today I just wanted to stay in bed all day, hide from the world. The snow was softly falling onto what had been a totally snow free ground. I could almost hear the silence of it through the windows. I really wanted to just curl up and hide.

Thankfully the girls are coming over tonight...usually they can get me out of a funk, at least for a few hours. It's always when things seem to be s great, then a funk sneaks up on you and snatches your glow right out from under you.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Je Ne Sais Quoi

Soe has this book that I've been eyeing for a long time - Entre Nous; A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl. I finally broke down and bought my own copy and I'm so glad I did. I have been reading it just before bed each night, and then while I'm eating breakfast in the morning. The funny thing about this book is it makes me think that perhaps I was French in a past life...so much of it is me already. I love it though...such great messages about cultivating your own time and own self, saying No, being discrete and not wearing your heart on your sleeve, bringing intellect and inspiration to conversations versus just gossip and 1-dimensional input, reading, enjoying wine, baking your own bread, exploring and doing, always being put together and presentable, on and on. I mean, they must be on to something because it is so true...French women do have that je ne sais quoi and it's so seductive in all meanings of the word. 

I was raised in a very European and French way. Things like never leaving the house looking unkempt or not put together (tshirts and sweats were NEVER ok outside of the comfort of our own home...even then, they are rare to be seen at the Zaner household). Eating dinner together as a family. Not being given a zillion toys as a kid, but being given a few and then encouraged to fill the time with our imaginations. Also keeping our child lives in our rooms, not cluttering the entire house with toys and stuff. Exercising strength and discretion. Utilizing time with friends and family to discuss a wide variety of topics, discuss art and music, politics and literature, life and love. Being taught early on to cultivate our own lives and do things to enrich our personal lives and not conforming to social norms. Cooking. Reading. Art. Music. I'm not sure where my parents learned that way of raising us seeing as only my Dad had been outside of the United States, and not for very long, but they truly did raise us in a very European/French way. We continue to live that way, and I know that's where I get it. When I am home, we all gather in the kitchen and cook and drink wine, talk about all sorts of things. We dress up for dinner most of the time, we never leave the house in the clothing we did gardening in, we spend time alone even when in the presence of each other. I realize that it won't be that hard for me to choose a style to raise a family, as I like the way I was raised. Granted, I may do the European/French style of raising but actually IN Europe. But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here :-).

Joie de Vivre.