Signs

Although I constantly preach that there are no coincidences, I am still constantly baffled by the world, the universe's ability to provide us with so much foreshadowing of things to come. I recently had a great example of this. Someone who was no longer in my life had recently been popping up here and there, randomly, and I was questioning the meaning of it, if there was anything beyond the blatant meaning of it all. And then yesterday I got my answer. It was foreshadowing of a run-in, a first interaction.

Is it just me or isn't it a sort of law that when someone asks "how are you?" regardless of how you are, you generally answer "good" or "great" or "doing fine". Maybe on a rare occasion to someone you are very close with you'd say "eh...i've been better" or "having a rough day". Last night I got the response "terrible". No joke. I didn't realize anyone actually responded to "how are you" with "terrible". I have to say, it was bizarre...bizarre, off-putting, and a bit sad. I do not know the root of the "terrible", I didn't inquire, but one has to wonder...what compels someone to be so bad off they would actually say "terrible"? Maybe there is a bit of a refreshing element in it, that someone would be so brutally, painfully honest? However, does saying out loud that you are doing terrible, just make it worse? The power of positive thinking...it's an interesting topic. An interesting theory.

I hope none of you are ever doing so bad, are so sad or stressed that you feel the need to say you are doing terrible. And if you are feeling that low, I hope you call me to talk instead.

Did I mention I'm going to Istanbul in April?

Well, I am. I fly out of JFK on April 4th, arrive in Istanbul the morning of the 5th and fly back on the 12th. I'm SO excited. I will be heading to NYC for work on the 2nd and then going to JFK on the 4th to meet my parents and oldest sister and we'll hop on the 10.5 hour flight to Turkey. I hear it is one of the best cities in the world and I can't wait. I am in desperate need of a vacation!

Milk part 1

I am sure most people, by now, have heard of the book "Skinny Bitch"...the latest in dieting trends. I own this book and have flipped through it, but not read it in it's entirety. I do know a few people who have though.

As with all other fad diets, this one is quite an extremist point of view, with some good ideas mixed in. I like to read things like this and go on the "with a grain of salt" approach. Unless written by a doctor or nutritionist (even then it can be biased), we have to understand that, like religion, you cannot simply go on blind faith.

One of the points of the book is that you should stop drinking milk. It claims that it is not natural for cows to produce milk constantly and that their teats can get infected leaking pus into milk. Anyways, there were plenty more claims as to why milk should be banished from your diet.

This really got me thinking. I love milk. Love it. I drink it by the pint glass, so the thought of deleting it from my life was a hard one to swallow. I had dinner at Emma and Kevin's recently and realized I was in perfect company to get to the root of all of this. Kevin works in bovine nutrition and Emma is writing her PhD thesis on cows and milking cows more specifically. Emma and I ended up talking about this for probably an hour and she provided me with so much insight into the fallacies that Skinny Bitch was preaching. "Milk is one of the most perfect foods", she tells me. The treatment of milking cows is a science and art in itself. After much more discussion, she referred me to PubMed and has printed off some articles of scientific studies directly related to milking cows, treatment, illness, etc. and I'm anxiously awaiting to pour through them. Milk Part 2 will be up in a few days once I've gathered more info and can adequately sum up what Emma told me in conjunction with these other studies.

I think my main point in blogging about this isn't directly related to milk but more that people don't spend enough time looking further into something, they are willing to just buy into a fad and change their habits because a pop culture book says so. I am a fact seeker, a scientist at heart so I constantly delve deeper into issues and immerse myself in facts so that I am truly informed from all points of view. To me, doing anything but that would be like walking into a debate without even researching your topic. Blind faith may work for some people and may have a place in religion, but when it comes to science, nutrition and your health, it is only right to truly investigate claims especially when one of the sources is a "self made know-it-all".

Milk Part 2 coming soon.

Forward motion

My March numerology in Elle Magazine sums up some things, some feelings that went on today quite well...the last 2 sentences of it are: "Instead of playing things carefully, you boldly set the pace - and make new priorities. Along the way, you enjoy the pleasure of rediscovering your strong, independent self."

I had a lovely evening with Becky last night which consisted of a delicious dinner at Asiana followed by a glass of wine at 1/2 bar. We talked about a bunch of stuff, as per usual, but something about our conversations got me inspired and jump started the engine that has been stalled in me for the past few weeks. Today, I went and joined the gym as I'd been talking about since our other gym membership ended in January, and then I went and had a really nice workout and remembered how great it feels to sweat. Afterwards I stopped in at SkiRack to try on bike shoes. I've decided I'm going to start road biking this spring. I spent a good hour in there talking to the bike people (Susie rules) and getting a ton of information into this sport I know little about. I walked out with a pair of shoes (I figured if I own the shoes, I won't back out now) and a sense of empowerment and excitement over this new adventure! I'm looking forward to finding my bike and taking to the streets, literally. Becky is also planning to pick up the sport and it will really be great to have another beginner to do it with. We have already begun to plan Saturday's of driving to neat spots and riding for hours.

I'm not sure what it was exactly, but I started to feel myself again today. As my numerology said, I am beginning to enjoy the pleasure in rediscovering my strong, independent self. It feels great..I have truly been missing, well, me.

Finding a loss or losing a find?

Have you ever felt like you truly found yourself and then down the road of self awareness, you lose yourself again? I suppose this can go back to an earlier post where I mentioned sometimes needing to take 10 steps back to be able to take another step forward. It's an odd thing...thinking about how far you've come, how much you've learned about yourself, how you can remember feeling yourself really being you for the first time...and then one day feeling, once again, so lost. You recognize the face, you know what's there inside, but somehow it doesn't surface, somehow it has been buried beneath pointless information, standard "hi, how are you"'s. You can remember the things that make you you, but somehow it's been lost, temporarily. But lost nonetheless. Lost by time, lost by experience, lost by loss, lost by heartbreak, lost by growth. I guess that the absence of change, the absence of uncertainty equals complacency, equals a plateau in life therefore being lost again isn't necessarily bad. But the realization of it can be scary. Scary because you can recall that day, that month, that year where you realized you were finally you...but now you aren't so sure anymore. How do we re-find ourselves? How do we get back to really being ourselves, ourselves in their truest form?

Perhaps the hardest part of finding yourself lost once again, is realizing that you got there by allowing yourself to get lost in something great...allowed life to swoop in and change things. When you lose yourself in something, you truly lose a part of yourself. Again, it takes you back a few steps, but in the end I suppose we can only hope that by giving a piece of ourselves, we have gained just that...the ability to really give. If we never experience loss, if we never find ourselves in the dark searching for the light, how could we ever appreciate the great things in life.

Look or jump?

A friend of mine recently did what I've been considering doing for over a year. He bought a ticket, got a visa and got on a flight to Sydney, Australia. He doesn't necessarily have everything lined up for when he gets there, but that's the beauty of it...he jumped.

So often we look before jumping...not just look, but scrutinize, magnify, analyze, look again, look once more. And to boot, many times after all that thought and all the looking, we don't even jump...we're lucky if we even hop. The Romans coined the phrase, "carpe diem"...seize the day. They encouraged taking life by the horns and diving in head first, taking a look later. Do we focus too much on the later than the now? Have we lost that seizing desire the Roman's possessed? Are we trained to think that risks and spontaneity are dangerous? Does our culture teach us that planning and paths and straight and narrow courses in life are the way to success and happiness?

It is too often I find myself thinking about the consequences, the aftermath of something I haven't even done yet, and too often that puts a pause on something, an end to something that never had a beginning. I envy people who jump and let the next day be the time to look and deal with their actions, good or bad. I like to think I jump, at least now and then. What it really comes down to is looking far down the road and if you will regret NOT doing something. I am a firm believer in my favorite quote - "the biggest regrets in life are the risks we didn't take." Even if a moment seized, a day seized, an opportunity seized doesn't necessarily have the most positive outcome, you can never look back and wonder. And in the end, every experience shapes us, sometimes the bad have more of an impact, provide more of a lesson, than the good.

I envy my friend who, by now, is probably in the land down under. He jumped.

Here nor there

I have just returned from a whirlwind work trip...5 cities in 8 days. BTV to LA to SF to Denver to DC to Boston to BTV. It was exciting, exhausting, challenging, rewarding, growing, changing, fun, stressful, overwhelming, enjoyable. I was able to squeeze in a few dinners with old friends and family...always a huge plus of being on the road as I have friends in most major cities. Now I am back in Vermont, relaxing on my own couch in my own apartment. Although traveling for work is one of my favorite parts of my job, it can be extremely lonely...hotels, airports and crowded bars away from home can make you feel so alone in the world, so apart from anything warm and loving. It puts a lot of things into perspective. It makes you think about who you would call to tell your day to, what you would be doing if you weren't where you currently were, who you would be laughing with. I stayed in some great hotels with amazing rooms and views and decorations yet they were devoid of the laughter of my friends, the smiles of my family, the stories of our lives.

Being on airplanes and long layovers and unfamiliar places gives you a lot of time to think. It is easy to dwell on things..life, work, love, friends. It's easy to find yourself beating a dead horse in your mind..going over something so many times you can almost begin to taste it. There are times where you have to almost tell yourself to shut up.

I had a ton of time to think during this trip as I felt like I was stuck on runways with delays for more hours than not. Do you ever find yourself feeling sorry for yourself? Don't you hate that? I want to slap myself and say "suck it up. you've got a pretty sweet life so quite your bitching." How can you move forward if you are still stuck in the past? Dwelling is a poison, a toxin, a cancer that spreads if you don't cut the tumor out and throw it away. Not to worry, there will be a scar to remind you, because forgetting is sometimes just as bad as dwelling...experiences shape who we are. Scars remind us of where we've been and who we've become. But that's all they should be, reminders not determiners. Move on, grow past, step forward.