A constant wind

So, I'm being a little scandalous by blogging at work...but hey, it's Friday and I've been slacking on this but really really wanting to keep it up so sometimes you have to break some rules right?! I have literally wanted to blog every day this week and then got caught up in work, followed by things to do post-work or just not wanting to get back on a computer. But alas, I really need to be more diligent...I swore that I would utilize this as a way to share stories to my family back in VT and here I am, slacking.

I honestly can't believe it's already the end of October. I feel like the past few months have been a constant wind, as in, things have been forever moving forward, quickly whisking by, never slowing down. It feels like yesterday I was sitting on Soe's front porch drinking wine and eating cheese back in Burlington (that got me a little teary eyed to type!). But here I am, in Chicago, the windy city. Although I haven't really been here that much. It's crazy how much I'm traveling, more than I did in VT which is funny b/c I thought I'd travel less. But despite how exhausting it is, and how much of my "Me" time I've sacrificed over the past few months, I've gone to some amazing places and formed incredible memories, great friendships and learned a lot. I look through my photos of the past few months and there are pictures from sports games all over the country, Times Square at 3am, kissing one of the Budweiser Clydesdales, dancing w/a New Orleans Jazz legend, watching the lights of Vegas turn on, and more. I think about my life since I graduated college and how incredible it has been and what amazing stories I'll be able to tell my kids one day. I have spent my 20's traveling the US, experiencing so many incredible things, and on someone else's dime! I am a lucky girl.

So, along w/the excitement of travel and adventures comes the other side of me. As much of a "people person" as I am, I'm truly an introvert...I recharge in solitude. And solitude is not something I've had much of the past few months. I keep dreaming of a Sunday on my couch, sipping a latte, reading the paper, burning one of my favorite Yankee fall candles, listening to soft jazz. Spending an afternoon working on the art project I've been planning in my head for 3 years. Taking a walk and petting dogs, stopping for a glass of wine and reading a book. All these things I used to do so often that have been pushed aside. And sure, I do some of it myself because I told myself to not turn down any invitations as that will be the only way I meet people and make friends. I am just hoping for a reprieve of sorts, a few weekends to relax and catch up on me.

And to close out for today, I will list three things I love about this city to share w/my VT followers to let you in on my life here:
1) The sounds of the city. Trees rustling from the wind, dogs barking, the El whooshing by, children laughing, the occassional horn. I know it seems weird to like those, but it just reminds me how much life there is in the city.
2) The river. We were walking to lunch the other day and crossed the river into the Loop and I looked down the river at the glimmering water and towering skyscrapers reflected in it and had to pause...it is truly so beautiful.
3) The architecture. I love riding the El and seeing old brick buildings with the original name painted on the side, slowly fading, or the sleek glass cake-tier Trump building, or the rusty metal on the beams of the El tracks, or the old factories turned into lofts with balconies covered in plants and BBQ's and places people sit and enjoy their downtime.

Weird

It's weird to live in my head right now. To feel the conflicting thoughts and emotions. I feel so at home, so comfortable, so at peace in this city. Chicago fits, it feels like the right place for me. An amazing spot that I feel lucky to be experiencing. A place I know I was meant to get to. For instance, today, I was on a boat on the lake soaking up the sun while looking at this incredible, stunning skyline view. Sure, that's a pretty sweet deal, but again, I feel like it fits. And what feels weird is that I also miss the people I left in VT so incredibly much. I truly hurt thinking about them. It's not to say I am not making friends here, I am it is just slow and it's different knowing the people I left in VT. Some days I walk through the city experiencing something unique and I think about a specific person or group and how much I wish they were beside me, experiencing it. That's what is weird, learning how to feel these conflicting emotions of being so happy in a place, knowing it fits and being excited about meeting new people but simultaneously standing at a specific spot or place thinking about a friend or friends that would appreciate that spot so much, make that spot even better. I have to continue to figure out how to make them live side by side.

It's funny, leaving a place, how hard it gets to connect with the people that I know will forever be my family. These people that are the only piece of me being in this amazing place seem "off", I talk to so very rarely now. But I feel them every day, which makes it...weird. I feel them all the time...a smell reminds of this person, a song reminds of that person. But would it be the right place in my life to be here with those people who made my life so complete? I think that's part of the greater plan...they can't be here bc it'd be too easy and I'd miss things. But to know they are with me everyday, it is a double edged sword of awesome and sad...to be so incredibly psyched here, yet feel the pull of people I wish were with me.

Chicago...is my kinda town

Imagine that, I haven't blogged in ages. I'm really being bad about this lately!! Ok...I'm going to make a serious effort to blog at least once a week now. Soe has inspired me again to blog and I realize that it could be a fun way to talk about my life in the new city for my family afar in VT to read about between actual catching up sessions.

SO. Chicago. Three weeks ago I landed in the Windy City, or drove in I should say. I have been traveling a good bit for work so sometimes it almost feels like a long work trip here since I'm so used to being in random places. But I actually feel really at home here, the city fits. I was totally scared that it wouldn't, that I'd get here and what I had built up in my mind just wouldn't be quite right. But the city agrees with me. It's fun, it's vibrant, it's friendly, it's engaging. I don't feel overwhelmed by it.

I'm still getting into the swing of things with life and making myself meet new people and be open to new friends. It's weird to not have a safe group of people to call any night to get dinner with or have a glass of wine, or have people who know you really well who you don't have to try with. But it's also exciting stretching that muscle again too...I just have to continue to push myself to do it and learn about new people and see what fits.

Work is bananas...it's currently after 7pm Central time and I'm still at work. Pretty standard. It's going to be pretty much madness from now until the middle of September. But the flip side is, I'm loving the work and the challenge, I'm learning a ton, I love the people I work with and I have a great team and it feels good. I can see myself growing already and it's exciting.

I miss you all in VT...I am pretty sure you are the only ones that may read this w/the exception of Andrew and my mom. VT is in my heart every day, and certain things of the city remind me of it too which is good.

Ok. The next posts will be more fun...things going on in the city, but I felt an intro post was needed for the Chicago chapter of my life.

I'm off like a hat in a hurricane.

How do we know.

I often wonder if everyone experiences as much confusion and decision making and wondering as I do. Sometimes I am not sure I'll be able to dig out of the thoughts in my head and figure out what to do...like I'm being sucked into a whirlpool, spinning around and around, grabbing for the edge but it keeps slipping out of my hands. Or do I really know how to get out and am just letting the spin overtake me, overwhelm me, confuse me?

Life is a series of decisions, choices, actions. What to wear today, what to eat, who to call, where to go at night, when to take time off, where to go for vacation, what to get so and so for their birthday. Then there are the big ones. Where do I want to be in 5 years? Am I doing what I should be doing? Am I inspired? Am I happy? What do I want out of today, tomorrow, next week? Should I move? Should I stay? Should I say yes? Should I say no?

Should we choose with our heart or our head? Or just take the plunge...cover your eyes, pinch your nose and leap?

I don't think there are right or wrong choices, they are just choices. Even if something ends up not working out, it doesn't mean it was wrong. It just wasn't right persay. But then again, it's all experiences, learning more about yourself, your likes, dislikes, wants, needs. So can it ever really be a wrong choice?