This one's for you AP

I am not sure what it is, but sometimes I wonder if anyone really listens to things I say. I don't think it's an insecurity, but I just wonder...do people really truly listen to things I have to say? I got a small bit of reassurance when a friend recently told me he actually reads my blog...I have a follower! How funny that knowing that made me feel a little more important, at least in that moment. Thanks AP.

.......

There are so many outside distractions in life. Be it a pack of fire trucks by a house as you drive by trying to concentrate on the road but unable to not gawk, at least a little, or the pot of water boiling over as you try to pay attention to someone on the phone, or lyrics in a song as you try to type a presentation up. We are so inundated with stimulus, it can be hard to focus...really focus. I have been trying to make a point of, especially when on the phone with someone, not multi-tasking. How unfair to think that while you are talking to someone, they are doing a million other things, catching only every 5th word. And how nice to sit down and just talk...not flip through a magazine, not check emails, not clean, just listen and respond. I have been doing that lately, just sitting and talking, and it's really pretty cool to catch all the little details, not just the big picture. Funny how, even in conversation, it's often the little things that truly make the conversation come together. Just like in life..it's the little things.

Stimulus is great, exciting, keeps us guessing and on our toes. It reminds us of things, makes us forget things. But I think the key is to balance it with being in the moment. Be present.

Yes.

Be Present. It's amazing.

Explanation Impossible

I recently stumbled upon a quote in a book that truly summed up things of late: "For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

I couldn't have said it better myself. There is truly no way to explain all elements and levels of the past few weeks, the interactions, the bonds. And even attempting to explain it would bastardize and cheat it.

My real life is spent in unexplainable moments. My fake life is what I do each day to get to my real life, to make my real life possible.

That's all.

Holy time fly

I haven't even looked to see when the last time I posted was because I think it will shock me and then I'll be overwhelmed with catching up. I'm tired of having to get caught up. Today. That's it. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today.

Today I'm psyched, pumped, a little stressed, a little overwhelmed, a little anticipatory. Ok I said no yesterday but I'm going to speak of yesterday in a reflexive way (not sure that's the best way to put it).

The symbolic "yesterday" here is going to mean a compilation of a few days. I have been truly enjoying my work lately, even though it's been some of the craziest, busiest, most stressful weeks. But you know when you feel so overwhelmed you don't even know where to start, but you are inspired so it almost feels fun? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I enjoy people. I enjoy meeting them, interacting with them, learning about them. Especially when they bring something to the table. I had the privilege of meeting some truly amazing and interesting people in my last work adventure, people that made me feel truly lucky to do what I do. Of this group of people I met there were 3 in particular that really moved me. Although I am a fairly social person, I also have a tendency to need space after a significant amount of time with people, but these three people I couldn't get enough of. The connection shared was one that comes along so rarely you can't help but want to scoop it up in a jar and seal it off to keep it from getting tarnished. Believe me, I've been trying to do just that. The sad side is that we are split across the country. The good part is that we are all reuniting this weekend on this next work trip. I'm so overwhelmed and stressed and discombobulated right now but the thought of seeing them makes my heart smile. How lucky am I?

An interesting conversation was had in talking about how people's lives are all a series of different paths, and people come together and their lives are parallel for a period of time. Sometimes I think I'm so lucky to be given the opportunity to run parallel with so many different people because of my travel and such, but then I think...we were meant to run parallel, I just happen to have this job because it was the vehicle to do just that.

Who knows what is to come...perhaps the meaning of life.

Smile

I have always been a big supporter of smiling and smiling often. Sometimes, though, reality gets in the way and we let difficulty or sadness or misfortune get in the way of smiling as often as we should. It's amazing how finding just one small thing even on the toughest of days to smile about can have a massive effect on your soul. I been making a big point of smiling more and finding the happiness in as much as I can. I am trying not to dwell on little things, trying not to let things get me down, trying to see the beauty in things I would walk past before, making of point of giving OTHER people a reason to smile every day. If I can do one thing for a stranger or other person every day to make them smile, I will have accomplished a new goal. Be it helping a neighbor dig out their car, helping someone with a lot in their hands, telling someone they look nice. I have caught myself doing this unconsciously lately and the ability to make someone else smile has been having a profound effect on me. I don't know if it's the new year or the cumulative effect of a very intense past year but I have felt more positive and happy lately then in a while. I have made myself stop complaining about the cold as much and embracing it. I am saying hello to strangers more and telling my friends I love them more. I am seeing the good in many more things. I am appreciating what I have and relishing the good things in my life. I am enjoying solidarity at times and internal peace. I am pushing out the negative and finding the positive. I am smiling.

I'm not sure what it is...being home for a while, being on a new work account, having a new year to reflect on the past year and realize all that it has meant to me, looking around me at all the beauty I'm surrounded in. Whatever it is, I like it and plan on keeping it going.

Find a reason to smile every day.