Uncertainty

"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next"

If that is the case, then life is at it's utmost possible state for me right now. I'm in the most uncertain place I've been in a long time, a holding pattern, a waiting room w/no clocks, a courtroom waiting for the verdict. I have great patience in many things in life, but surprises and uncertainty, I have zero. The only way I like surprises is if I have absolutely NO inkling of it, not an ounce. If I even sense it, I go crazy. When someone says to me, "I got you the BEST birthday present", I just assume you give it to me immediately b/c I'm going to pester you until you tell me what it is. I ruin things in that way. But I can't help it. I'm an answer seeker, info seeker. Being in the dark is like a personal hell for me.

The next few hours will be long. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, so that's good, but wading through the dark is going to be borderline excruciating.