Remembering

My grandmother passed away this last weekend.We found out Friday that she was being moved to Hospice on Saturday so my sisters and I decided to go down, say our goodbyes and be with there to support my dad and grandpa. She ended up passing away early Saturday morning before we arrived, and before she was transported. In many ways this was best. I was so glad we had decided to go down...being there for my dad was huge, and I know meant the world to him and my grandfather. It was so hard though. I remember how hard it was when my mom's mother died, seeing my mom broken down. There's something, however, about a father and grandfather breaking down that hits a different nerve. My dad. The figure of strength. Seeing him cry broke my heart. Seeing my grandfather also crushed me. 

A loved one passing brings up so many thoughts. Thoughts about things I would have liked her to experience in my life, things I wish I had said or said more often. I have to stop and remind myself to not dwell on the unsaids and undones, but to remember the good things, the fun times, the things we DID say and do. My grandma got to experience so many great things in my life and we had so many great times together, that is what is important. 

Some great things about my grandma, great times we shared:

- Staying with them while my parents moved...playing with their laundry chute and sweet basement bar

- Her jokes, humor and sass

- Her honesty and openness

- A modern woman, despite growing up in a time of female oppression

- The way purple looked on her

- The great legs that she passed down to me...and her genetics in general 

- The way she loved me, everything about me

- Her teaching us how to play cards

There are so many others, little things that remind me of here her and there. I will take those with me, not the thoughts of coulda, shoulda, woulda. I think I may, one day, utilize her maiden name as a middle name for one of my children.

All my love, rest in peace Grammie Doris.