Here nor there

I have just returned from a whirlwind work trip...5 cities in 8 days. BTV to LA to SF to Denver to DC to Boston to BTV. It was exciting, exhausting, challenging, rewarding, growing, changing, fun, stressful, overwhelming, enjoyable. I was able to squeeze in a few dinners with old friends and family...always a huge plus of being on the road as I have friends in most major cities. Now I am back in Vermont, relaxing on my own couch in my own apartment. Although traveling for work is one of my favorite parts of my job, it can be extremely lonely...hotels, airports and crowded bars away from home can make you feel so alone in the world, so apart from anything warm and loving. It puts a lot of things into perspective. It makes you think about who you would call to tell your day to, what you would be doing if you weren't where you currently were, who you would be laughing with. I stayed in some great hotels with amazing rooms and views and decorations yet they were devoid of the laughter of my friends, the smiles of my family, the stories of our lives.

Being on airplanes and long layovers and unfamiliar places gives you a lot of time to think. It is easy to dwell on things..life, work, love, friends. It's easy to find yourself beating a dead horse in your mind..going over something so many times you can almost begin to taste it. There are times where you have to almost tell yourself to shut up.

I had a ton of time to think during this trip as I felt like I was stuck on runways with delays for more hours than not. Do you ever find yourself feeling sorry for yourself? Don't you hate that? I want to slap myself and say "suck it up. you've got a pretty sweet life so quite your bitching." How can you move forward if you are still stuck in the past? Dwelling is a poison, a toxin, a cancer that spreads if you don't cut the tumor out and throw it away. Not to worry, there will be a scar to remind you, because forgetting is sometimes just as bad as dwelling...experiences shape who we are. Scars remind us of where we've been and who we've become. But that's all they should be, reminders not determiners. Move on, grow past, step forward.