Hitting the Brakes

That's what my friend said..."good for you for hitting the brakes". I had been accelerating at a pace that was bound to knock me out at some point. Social events, work events, work, exercise, organizations, etc. etc. I had overbooked and it was only getting worse. Double booking evenings...something from 6-7:30, then 8-11. It was getting to be too much...I was loosing my balance so to speak. So this past weekend, mainly Sunday, I "hit the brakes". I ignored all incoming phone calls. I slept in. I stayed in my pajamas until the afternoon. I drank multiple lattes and read. I baked. I lit candles that filled my apartment with smells of fall. I played music that seemed almost palpable, almost as if I could see the notes physically wafting through my apartment. I nixed going to the gym or for a run despite my original plan of exercising. And I didnt' let myself feel bad about any of that.

It's exactly what I needed. A day or recluse. As a Libra we seek balance. The non-me side of the scale was definitely not balanced with the "me" side. It needed a shift...and still needs some more, but it's much better. Have you ever used an old scale, perhaps in science class way back when? Put pennies in one side..keep loading them on with nothing in the opposite side. Keep going. Keep going. Eventually the whole scale tips over. That's exactly what was beginning to happen. I was doing too much for everyone but myself. Yesterday felt good. The only person in existence was myself and I was pretty pleased about that.

Crisp

There is a crispness in the air. It is the first true sign of Fall. Even when the weather warms up a bit in the afternoon, the crispness doesn't wane. Smells are changing. Trees are turning. Types of food that appeal to me is changing. It's here. In many ways I want to fight it, I want to be back to bathing suits and humidity and sun drenching my skin. I am a summer girl. I love it. But I must say, there's something about Fall that I love. Hearing the breeze blow against my window panes and creep in the cracked window by my bed, sending a chill through me, causing me to pull my covers up to my neck. Again, the smell. It's not tangible, it's not even describable, but it's there. I can almost hear music wafting through the air, the first smell of cinnamon and pumpkin, that first true chilly night.

Seasons change. Moods change. Desires change. Feelings change. Perhaps sometimes it takes an earthly change, an atmospheric change to inspire other change. To create an impetus to change something you've been sitting on for a while. Winter is near. Change is imminent.

Rides, ponies, trapeze and more!

Although I dread the end of summer, there is one thing that I really look forward to that is the first sign of the waning warm days...the county Fair!! I get giddy with anticipation at the first commercial or banner announcing it coming to town. I feel like I'm in an old movie, or in a book such as one of our past book club books...the first group comes to town and gets the crowds excited weeks in advance. I book off evenings for it (yes, I said evenings plural as I usually go twice). I don't know what it is but I truly love fairs. I'm not a discriminatory fair-goer either. I love it all. The food, the rides, the animals, the acts, the music, the carnies, you name it, I love it.

People always seem to be shocked when I mention how much I love going on rides at the Fair..especially when I reveal my love for buying the wristband that permits unlimited riding. I love the slight paranoia involved in considering exactly how rickety the rides are, exactly how under qualified the ride operators are, the chances of launching off the rides to a quick and very public death. But then I think, if I'm going to die on one of these rides, at least I will die in the midst of laughing, of yelling so loud, of feeling the wind pull the skin back on my face, my whole being surrounded in glowing lights and tinkling sounds of carnival games embracing me like a halo. There could be worse ways to go.

Favorites rides. This is a question always asked of me. I particularly love a ride at the Chittenden County Fair known as Freak Out. It swings you and spins you at the same time...you swing high over a candied apple stand. It's best at sunset. Then there's the classic one, maybe called the Tornado? You sit in little car kind of things, 3 to a section, about 6 sections and you spin around and around. I love the feeling of your body slowly sliding across the seat, compressing your ride partner, spit slowly being pulled out of your wide open, screaming mouth, hair blowing uncontrollably. It's that loss of control, that utter release of oneself that is amazing. I love to close my eyes, listen to the sounds and feel the wind against my face. I tell you, it's euphoric.

I also love the really crazy ride that costs $10. It's terrifies me and I can't get enough of it.

Food is a whole other story and a whole other event in itself. I tend to go for the big two...a brat or sausage, loaded with peppers and onions and washing it down with a funnel cake, not to be mistaken for a fried dough. I guess funnel cake is either a southern thing or a Pennsylvania thing but it kicks fried doughs ass. Here's all the explanation you need - more dough touches the fat. Enough said.

Onto what I like to refer to as miscellaneous or icing on the cake. Miniature ponies. Check! Llamas. Check! Bunnies. Check! Roosters and other random aviary animals and or poultry. Check! This year, however, there was an even more amazing "miscellaneous" item. The trapeze!! Yep, that's right. Apparently the trapeze act isn't just for the big top anymore. I have to say...I was mesmerized...and slightly jealous. I wanted to be up there, flying high, twirling through the air, being caught at the last second all while being applauded on by eager onlookers. Perhaps I missed my calling.

Turns out, I know someone who went to Circus Camp as a kid!! How amazing is that? Apparently he excelled at the trapeze. I forget what his other area of specialty was but either way, I'm totally jealous. It has made me want to go to one of those trapeze schools like they have in Manhattan. Adding it to the list of "life to-do's" as we speak.

Until next year...

Overload

I can't blame anyone but myself when I pack my schedule too tight only to then feel stressed or overwhelmed or uncentered. I have been doing this lately...perhaps to make up for having been gone so much of the summer. Aside from work being totally insane and time consuming, it's a dinner party one night, bike ride the next, hosting a cocktail party another night, finding galleries to show my photos in, visiting people or having people visit, gym, bookclub, etc. etc. etc. I love doing these things, they keep me busy, make me feel alive. But at the same time, I'm a libra and we need balance. I have felt like I haven't had time to myself in weeks...time to just cook dinner, sit on the couch and read, take a bath, relax. It's been go-go-go. Due to my new account and the greater responsibility I have with it, I find myself checking email all the time, making lists of tomorrow's to-do's on top of responding to personal emails requesting a get-together.

I was thinking back to last year when I was spending time in the darkroom, ipod on, pulling photos. Or spending hours at the pottery wheel while house-sitting for my pottery teacher. Or the once a week Philo hikes to destress after a long day. Not to mention cooking dinner most nights of the week. My mum and I did some cooking over the weekend and it was so nice, so centering. I forgot how much cooking relaxes me and I just haven't even had time for it. I feel like over the past year I learned how to not put all my focus on me but to care for others more, to think of others first, to relish people and my connections with people. Last winter did this for me and it's a great thing to have gained but now I need to take that and merge it with my previous ability to factor myself in more. Merging the two will be the ultimate scale balance...it is key, and has been missing.