Weird

It's weird to live in my head right now. To feel the conflicting thoughts and emotions. I feel so at home, so comfortable, so at peace in this city. Chicago fits, it feels like the right place for me. An amazing spot that I feel lucky to be experiencing. A place I know I was meant to get to. For instance, today, I was on a boat on the lake soaking up the sun while looking at this incredible, stunning skyline view. Sure, that's a pretty sweet deal, but again, I feel like it fits. And what feels weird is that I also miss the people I left in VT so incredibly much. I truly hurt thinking about them. It's not to say I am not making friends here, I am it is just slow and it's different knowing the people I left in VT. Some days I walk through the city experiencing something unique and I think about a specific person or group and how much I wish they were beside me, experiencing it. That's what is weird, learning how to feel these conflicting emotions of being so happy in a place, knowing it fits and being excited about meeting new people but simultaneously standing at a specific spot or place thinking about a friend or friends that would appreciate that spot so much, make that spot even better. I have to continue to figure out how to make them live side by side.

It's funny, leaving a place, how hard it gets to connect with the people that I know will forever be my family. These people that are the only piece of me being in this amazing place seem "off", I talk to so very rarely now. But I feel them every day, which makes it...weird. I feel them all the time...a smell reminds of this person, a song reminds of that person. But would it be the right place in my life to be here with those people who made my life so complete? I think that's part of the greater plan...they can't be here bc it'd be too easy and I'd miss things. But to know they are with me everyday, it is a double edged sword of awesome and sad...to be so incredibly psyched here, yet feel the pull of people I wish were with me.