Unfamiliarity

I am walking in unfamiliar territory. But unfamiliar in the best way possible. The last week has been, well, indescribable. I can barely wrap my head around it to be honest. One instance, a random coming-together-of-things, has turned out to be something I wouldn't have imagined. Maybe I've always had a secret door, hidden out of sight and it's just never been found before...before last week that is.

I have learned a lot of things in the past few months, past year even, that I feel like was all preparation for what's going on...I wouldn't be here, wouldn't be baffled by one week, if everything hadn't happened prior. I feel really lucky. I've realized things I never knew I always wanted. I don't question myself. I don't hold back. I don't fear vulnerability. I don't feel confused. I feel stronger. I feel inspired. I feel challenged. I feel different. I feel great...really great.

Changes

A lot of things are changing. The weather is shifting into winter; cool nights walking with a light jacket and scarf have morphed into thicker jackets, gloves and chattering teeth. My best friend from college has moved to Nicaragua to do some work for a bit. My hair seems to get darker with every cut. The way I spend my time is changing. Priorities are changing.

It's a weird thing, an unfamiliar thing, when something just works so smoothly, when something doesn't require much effort. I never pictured myself having the best 14 hours of nothing, of things unplanned. I'm a planner when it comes to new endeavors. Spontaneity has rarely worked in the past unless in very familiar territory. 14 hours...am I changing or did I just figure something out that I was turning a blind eye to before? It is change or recognition? Is it a product of experiences and dotting the i's, crossing the t's to realize what I really wanted and needed?

It's funny how something unexpected can warp your whole sense of being...warp it into something you didn't know you were capable of.

Timing is everything

You know, I've heard that "timing is everything" for a long time but sometimes it is hard to really accept when the timing isn't right, right now. However, I'm becoming more of a believer. Missed opportunity that annoyed a person, can make a full circle down the road. Chance happenings can have greater meaning. I do not believe in coincidences...there is a purpose in most everything, every "coincidence". What I'm realizing is, with a little reflecting on things, you can realize why things may have passed you by in previous months or even years, only to come back at you down the road. Perhaps you weren't ready...ready for a challenge, a change. Perhaps there was no time for anything new or different. Perhaps you weren't mentally able to take this thing on. Perhaps you needed more experience under your belt to be able to make it work.

I went to a really amazing forum this morning for Women Leaders and some amazing things were said. Things that don't necessarily relate to the above, but in some ways do. Approaching a goal one small piece at a time versus attacking the big picture...figuring out how to get to the corner before trying to get to the bridge down the road...learning along the way and collecting experience with each step.

It's exciting. And hopefully only the beginning.

The weather outside is frightful...

Well, I guess the end of fall is officially here, and winter is slowly creeping in. Today it didn't feel so much like creeping, more of a bursting in. Although the temperature isn't all that bad (low 40's), it is one of the bone-cold days...the wind and air seem to break through any barrier and find their way directly to your bones...the only real remedy is a hot shower followed by a hot fire and some warm cider. Too bad I don't have a fireplace.

I go back and forth on how I'm feeling about winter this year. Last year winter and I, well, not best friends. I was pretty miserable and disliking every cold day, boycotting the mountain, hating shoveling my car out. I moved here from Florida...give me a little break. And to top it off, I spent the first 22 of my 25 years in warm, sunny climates so despite being in my 3rd year of Vermont winters, there is something in me that will forever seek warmth and sun. This year, although I dread those days where it's so cold you can barely walk, the wind biting at the few centimeters of bare skin, I am looking forward to other things...I've decided I have to if I'm going to survive it. Things like long Saturday brunches with friends and too much coffee. Red wine in the basement at 1/2. Snowboarding and Shed Mountain Ale. Weekend trips to fight off the stagnation of small town winters. Lots of cooking with friends. Snowy days filled with good books and classic movies. Another one of those massive storms like Valentines Day last year would be pretty great too...there's nothing like the empty sound after a major snowstorm.